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Taking Children's Emotions Seriously

In the July 2003 issue of Exchange, Ilse Plattner from the University of Namibia in Windhoek, Namibia,  describes the impact of not taking children's emotions seriously in her article, "Granting Children Their Emotions":

"Various effects can be assumed as a result of not granting the children their emotions. One of the effects could be a negative impact on the social development. In situations when parents do not respond at all to children's emotions or pretend not to perceive any of their tears and cries, children will experience themselves as helpless, and also as weak, inferior, and dependent. When children undergo such situations repeatedly, they should not be expected to become assertive when interacting with others. Responding to children's emotional needs with rejection or hostility will also lead them to perceive the world as a hostile place that cannot be trusted....

"Another consequence of inappropriate responses to children's expression of feelings can be a wrong self-concept. To reject children because they react emotionally, will, if this happens repeatedly, have a negative impact on the development of their self-concept, particularly when they are expected to feel ashamed about their behaviour. This will lead children to start doubting themselves as a person, and as a result impair their self-confidence. The same might happen when children's emotions are belittled or laughed at and when, consequently, the children start feeling stupid and dumb.

"The way adults respond to children's feelings might also affect the development of their problem-solving skills. One can regularly observe that parents respond to small children's efforts to express their discomfort by quickly putting some food into a child's mouth. With such behaviour the child will learn to associate eating with solving problems. In the long run, this could even lead to eating disorders at a later stage in life."

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