ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

Everytime I read about using encouragement instead of praise I remember a parenting incident that happened years ago with my then elementary-aged son. I wasn't always good at parenting in the way that I taught, and I used praise to boost his spirits about a project he was doing. He rejected my comment with strong irritation stating, "You are just trying to make me feel better!!" Shocked, I realized he was right, as well as perceptive. How many times have we used praise, thinking we can make someone feel better about themselves and their deeds. The tone of his voice conveyed his anger that I "didn't get it." Praise can be a barrier to real communication. Jason made me think about what I had done, and stop to really listen to his frustration with his project. Only then was I able to give him what he needed--someone to listen to him and know him.

I notice how each part of this is put together so other need not recreate the wheel. This insturment is easy to follow and gives clear instruction to participants. This help them relize the value of reflective listening. The contents of this tool box are inclusive of students as well as the teachers and all that they come in to contact with. It is a great reminder to myself and wonderful tool for other. You are not heare to please me. It is not us that need to be acknowledged, but the doer of the deed :)
Nani

Kathleen Grey has made a very good point that strikes at the heart of the problem: hollow, empty praise has a negative impact on children. It is also essential to address that issue developmentally. It is both a scientific error and logical flaw to assume that children would experience the same impact as that on adults. In fact, the research I have been able to find regarding the impact of praise has been conducted primarily on pubescent and adolescent students. So would it be developmentally appropriate to apply those results to early childhood? Most adults, professionals and laymen alike, recognize that children at different ages have different needs and abilities. I propose that at earlier ages, we have a responsibility, if not a duty, to provide children with a measuring stick by which they can later in life assess their own performance. Benjamin Spock himself has stated in his latter book before his death that excessively permissive childrearing has led to many of the social ills that western societies now face, such as teens and young adults approaching life with a sense of entitlement that they as individuals have not earned.

There is something to be said for “doing nuances”; it enables resiliency in the face of life’s diverse challenges. And, the nuance not directly addressed in the article above is that the issue or problem with praise isn’t the praise itself, but the genuineness with which it is offered. My mother used to use an expression, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” The really good teachers are those that can make a relationship connection with the children in their care. Then, their praise carries tremendous value to the children receiving it and models for other children how life itself works in the real world. Those providers will give guidance with the praise to clarify what makes a job well done a “good job.” But, what of the child relying on the judgment of “someone with authority?” That in itself is a value judgment assuming that there is something wrong about authority assessments of the quality of performance. However, that is exactly how the real world works: authority figures, “others,” assess whether each of us are performing to standards. It is our jobs to teach children at an early age, beginning during critical brain development, to understand that society…classrooms, schools, parents, church…have rules to be followed and expectations or standards to meet. At early childhood we have a responsibility to teach children social-emotional skills that will facilitate their internalization of competencies, not only for performance, but also for self-assessment. As children enter latency, ages five through eight, the structure of rules gives them a sense of control in their own lives: when to stand in line, don’t peek at others’ papers during tests, taking baths, brushing teeth, etc. They have yet to learn to do these latter tasks from internal motivation out of a comprehension of the health benefits and social ramifications. They will reach that functioning sometime after passing into formal operations, but at latency, children emotionally and cognitively need the security that comes from predictability. We have a duty to teach them the difference between an adequate job, failures from which to learn, and a “good job.” They will not know what a good job is unless we tell them. The nuance to be learned from Kathleen Grey’s perspective is that the use of praise shouldn’t be avoided; rather, it is an opportunity to make that connection with a child that will elevate that child’s sense of self. Praise should be regarded as both a skill to be honed and a medium of genuineness and enthusiasm with which to reach each child, as well as adults.

I have noticed many people in our field who are simply unable to engage in genuine conversation with children - they often sound like automotons/robots. This article is another example of the reductionistic over-examination created by people who haven't stepped foot in a child care centre since Reagan was president.
How we give praise is the very least of our problems in our field and let's free people to talk to children in a language that is real + genuine. Kids know who is a bullsh** artist and if an adult is reflective enough they too will pick up on this.
Take care
marc