An Alternative to Praise

10/05/2007

Our children no longer learn how to read the great book of Nature from their own direct experience, or how to interact creatively with the seasonal transformations of the planet. They seldom learn where their water comes from or where it goes. We no longer coordinate our human celebration with the great liturgy of the heavens.
Wendell Berry

In her article, “Not in Praise of Praise,” which serves as the basis for the Out of the Box Training Kit by the same name, Kathleen Grey talks about the negative impacts of using praise to promote change in children and offers reflective listening as a better way to go. In the article, she observes...

“Praise is often empty because of our tendency to go on automatic pilot when we're busy and to say, ‘Great!’ ‘Good job!’ ‘Oh, isn't that pretty!’ ‘You're such a good painter!,’ without stopping to think about the child's reality (other than the assumption that he needs praise). Such praise doesn't tell the child what it is you're affirming as good, nor does it tell him why you think it was good. In fact, it doesn't even tell him what you mean when you say something is good . . . does it mean that it's morally right? . . . or that it's what you like? . . . or what makes it good? Wouldn't it be more informative, and therefore more satisfying (to you and to him), if he could hear his effort described and his intention noted, no matter what level of performance he achieved?

“As an adult, have you ever had the feeling that your job or classroom performance was below par, only to hear a ‘Good job’ from your supervisor or to find an ‘A’ on your essay? Did you then retain your original judgment of your performance or did you immediately revise it to fit with praise you'd received from ‘someone with authority’? Did you wonder about the praise and what you had done to justify it? Did the praise help you understand why it was a ‘good job’? Or did it just make you wonder what you should do next time in order to win such a comment again?”

“Praise” Out of the Box Training Kit Free!

You can download a free copy of the Out of the Box Training Kit, “Not In Praise of Praise” (PDF) on our web site to see how these kits can be used as the basis of your training programs. And, when you order these kits now, you can take advantage of our offer to buy 5 kits for the price of 4!

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