ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

Oh, thank you all for your responses to this message. It means a lot to me personally to know you are all out there being with and for children. As always, each of your individual feedback expands our collective thinking. I have more in store for Exchange Every Day on behavior, including Mona Delahooke's explanation of top-down and bottom-up behaviors. What other behavioral resources or approaches are you finding helpful? What would you like to see more of in Exchange Every Day?

This is brilliant! I am struck by the comment "...and while we're at it, consider what adult behaviors challenge children." I never thought of this spin on the behavior management issue! Since the behaviors we find challenging are usually a "me problem," I would love to help teachers change their thinking (and paradigm) and ask themselves what it is about THEIR behavior that might be lending itself to the issue at hand.

Just brilliant.

I have been linked to Exchange for many years and have often thought about sharing my thoughts and opinions but have never done so until now. I taught in higher education for 16 years and during that time and before when running ECE programs, I adopted this practice. I recognized early in in my career that the expectation for children has to be appropriate based on where they are developmentally. Unfortunately, most adults use the "adult behavior yardstick" to "measure" children's behavior. Clearly an inappropriate measure. Loved the article....thanks......couldn't agree more.

I would also add that when a parent asks if their child was « good » today or any type of evaluative question regarding their child to please include the child in the discussion. If adults are talking over the top of the child’s head about him/her, it’s disrespectful, ignoring their existence. The teacher or director should bend down and ask, « Susie, what do you think? How was your day? »
That would be an authentic interaction with that child and her parent and go a long way to building a positive relationship with both.

This reminds me of the parent- teacher conferences I had while my son was attending high school. The sessions were always dominated by complains by the teachers about my son. It became so bad that I stopped attending. Now is he a successful adult who graduated from college, lived in Paris for 8 years, and has had successes in teaching and nursing.

Yes!! Not only is behavior a communication of one’s needs, but it is also very much a developmental skill EC educators need to hone WITH children. Much like other skills, if we don’t have strategies for scaffolding development (knowledge of the developmental standards, knowledge of the child/their microsystem (current skills/goal skills & interests)), we aren’t helping them. Our knowledge of the development of emotional intelligence will lead to conversations about development, not what the adult didn’t like about a child’s coping/emotional strategies. As developmental specialists (I tell all of my students THIS is their skill), we should be helping families understand their child’s behavior and support them as they support their child. In the end, children’s chosen behavior is the result of the adults around them and the skills they have shared with the child.

If we, as adults aren’t comfortable identifying & talking about our own feelings, how can we expect to fully support children as they move through the emotional terrain? If we don’t have co- or self-regulation skills, how do we model calming down after a tantrum (we all have them!)?

We have to view children differently, assuming they want what is best for themselves, but they don’t have the tools to make it so. Much like Brazelton’s Family assumptions, we should assume children have the best intentions so that we aren’t offended by missteps in behavior. That’s when behavior guidance becomes discipline.