Thinking Beyond Challenging Behavior

Is there such a thing as adults tattling on children? That Early Childhood Nerd Heather Bernt-Santy would say yes, and she'd like us all to stop doing it. When she and Mike Huber were Engaging Exchange guests last year, I was struck by Huber's remark that perhaps we need to think of challenging behaviors as behaviors that challenge us, and while we're at it, consider what adult behaviors challenge children. For both Huber and Bernt-Santy, observing children's behavior is a chance to reflect on our own behavior, including how we share children's behavior with their families.

In the Exchange Reflections, Quit Tattling on Children, Bernt-Santy writes, "We are taught that sharing behavior reports will help us to build relationships with families, to engage families in their children’s success and to collaborate with families. What if instead we are disrupting relationships, undermining our own expertise, or potentially harming children?"

Instead, Bernt-Santy offers, "If we are engaged in authentic observation and interaction with children each day, when a parent asks, 'Was she good today?' we can simply turn the conversation. I like to have a simple story ready to share. 'Well, she spent a lot of the morning really engaged with our sensory table,' and then share a few details of what we observed.”

Observing interests and framing behavior as a developmental skill provides a pathway to communicating with families about the ways their children are learning and growing, even through conflict and challenges.

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