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Do I have to wear this coat?
December 6, 2023
When we see a behavior that is 'problematic' or 'confusing', the first question we should ask is not 'How do we get rid of this behavior?' but rather ‘What is this telling us about the child?’
-Mona Delahooke, pediatric psychologist
-Mona Delahooke, pediatric psychologist
Ever baffled by children (or adults) who refuse to wear winter coats? In a post on Autistic, Typing, Jules Edwards declares, "Fear not, a person with Winter Coat Avoidance is here to explain what this is, why this is, and what you can do about it!"
As a neurodivergent parent of neurodivergent children, Edwards suggests that those who won’t wear coats "are not refusing because they want to be difficult or disobedient. They are refusing because winter coats are hard… A winter coat with shoulders that are too tight feels like I'm being restrained…[It] can make me feel like I'm in danger, because it slows my response time. It may make me feel like I'm going to fall over, because it prevents me from using my body to balance…All that to say - the discomfort of the coat is worse than the discomfort of the cold."
She offers suggestions, including:
Adapt to a person’s sensory needs. Offer coats with more shoulder room or stretchier fabrics, or offer layers, perhaps a fleece jacket and windbreaker, to put on as needed.
Focus on the facts, not how you think someone else should feel:
"One way to inform is ‘It is 10 degrees Fahrenheit and it is windy right now. This is well below the freezing point. It is dangerous to be in these temperatures for more than a couple of minutes, because you could get frostbite or hypothermia.’"
Negotiate
- If the risk is low…negotiate bringing a jacket to put on if necessary.
- One option could be to wear the coat only over the shoulders.
- If it is, in reality, too risky, tell them they can't go outside without a coat, but if they'd like to go outside for a shorter amount of time, they won't have to wear the jacket as long.
Edwards concludes, "These negotiations are incredibly important because not only do they help the person make informed decisions, it also helps people to learn the process of making safe decisions."
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Comments (3)
Displaying All 3 CommentsEugene, OR, United States
Thank you for your lovely insights and suggestion, Karen. We are all different and there's not one 'normal.' Francis, another AMEN to the balancing act. Sometimes, it feels the adjustments we must make require new thinking and creativity, but the improvements in community and culture when we adapt to both the needs of individuals and of the group can be profound.
University of Phoenix/ Red Rocks Community College
Denver, Colorado, United States
This reminds me of the time when I was doing a federal review on a Head Start program in fridged Minot, N. Dakota. To their credit, the teachers still took their children outside to play. However, I was disappointed with the approach they used to get the students ready to go outside. They announced for the students to put on their coats, hats, gloves, and hats. As can be expected, some very competent students quicky became ready to go outside. But, also as to be expected, some children needed more support and help from the teachers. However, instead of one of the staff going out to the playground with those who were ready (there were two staff members), they required these students to stand and wait, with nothing to do, while the teachers helped those students who needed more assistance. Needless-to-say discipline soon became a major problem! My point? Along with providing individualized support for children with a variety of diverse challenges, we must also use more sophisticated and appropriate management techniques (and/or change the physical environment and maybe even program policies).
Natick, MA, United States
I loved these suggestions. As a person with a hereditary disease that causes me to feel warmer than everyone in the room, I often need to leave a "warm" building and step outside without a coat to cool off. If I am out for a longer time, I will eventually put a coat on. However just because it is cold out to average people, doesn't mean it is cold to everyone, for some of us it is a relief and a chance to breathe the air that refreshes us and help us feel less suffocated by warmth that OTHERS love and appreciate! One in 300 have this condition, so I am probably not alone, but sometimes it feels like it when people look at me and demand that I put on a coat! I will, after I cool off a bit. Make sure the children take the coat out, but give them a few minutes before insisting that they put it on. It might be the relief that they have been looking forward to all day in a stuffy classroom.
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