ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

Janet Gonzalez-Mena, in her thoughtful and honest book, Dragon Mom, describes her own experience with coming to terms with what she calls "the dark side of parenting." Here’s how she talks about the challenging part of herself she calls "Dragon Mom":

"Many parents have an irrational dragon in them, and many parents wish they didn’t. They also have a voice of reason. The trick is to get one to talk to the other – to build a bridge between the two. You can only do that if you acknowledge the dragon. It has taken me a long time to see that.

I spent years trying to kill off my dragon, or at least make her disappear….Denying the dragon allows her to rage on unchecked…It’s impossible to tame or control a monster if you refuse to believe it exists…

You need real feelings to be a parent. In me, those passionate feelings come mainly from the dragon. A lot of her passion is anger, but the intensity of her anger is a demonstration of her capacity for love. If she gets the love and respect she needs from me, she’ll be able to give more love to her children…

I’ve learned a lot in thirty years of parenting. But I’m still working on the most important lesson – to love and forgive myself."

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