Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
-Garrison Keillor
Janet Gonzalez-Mena describes four approaches for guiding the behavior of preschool-age children in her article, "Lessons From My Mother-In-Law: A Story about Discipline," which is included in the Exchange Continuing Education Unit, "Managing Challenging Behaviors":
"Two approaches of mine have to do with helping the child connect rewards with good behavior. They seem soft and sweet to those used to sterner discipline.
- Catch 'em being good approach. I sometimes make a small fuss when children do what they are supposed to. For example, I might announce to whoever is in earshot, "Jessica threw away her napkin and cleared her dishes!"
- Appeal to child's feelings approach. A variation of the above approach is to help the child reward himself rather than depending on an outside reward. "Doesn't it feel good to put your toys away when you're finished? Now you know just where they are when you want them again." That approach is a contrast to the more common "Good boy for cleaning your room" or "Good job on cleaning up."
Two other approaches of mine aren't so soft and sweet — instead they are cut and dry, leaving all emotion out of the picture. They may seem rather fake and inhuman to people used to a stern finger-shaking warning.
- If-then approach. "If you want to finish your lunch, you have to stay in your chair." What I mean but don't say is, "If you get down again, I'll take your lunch away." The idea of this approach is to help the child develop the habit of sitting at the table until the time he sees the benefit of such behavior and is willing to abide by the social mandate it represents. I remove it from the personal realm and make it a fact.
- Consequences approach. "You're making too much noise to hear the story, so I can't keep reading." This approach is related to the if-then approach. When children learn the consequences of their acts, they can learn to predict and guide their own behavior so they won't have to experience the consequences of mis-behavior. Again, it's impersonal and unemotional (a typical Anglo-American approach — leave the feelings out of it).
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Comments (2)
Displaying All 2 CommentsRetired
Bronx, NY, United States
I have found that telling a child that s/he "has to" do anything is risky. It sets up the possibility of a power struggle in which someone will "lose face".
I tend to deal with such situations by offering a choice: For example, It looks as if you aren't hungry any more. It is time to decide. Do you want to stay in your chair and finish your lunch - or clean up [and move to the next activity]? A friendly, but firm voice is a requirement.
Fairfield, CA, United States
Delighted to see my ideas on ExchangeEveryDay.
Janet
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