Shop by Topic
Shop by Product
ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues
<< Previous Issue
| View Past Issues | | Next Issue >> 
Dealing with a Whiner
December 1, 2010
No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.
-Zen Proverb
-Zen Proverb
"Don't agree with the whiner — he's just going to keep on whining.
"Don't disagree with whiner — she's just going to have to prove she's right.
"Don't fix it for her — if you fix her problem, she'll just keep coming back to you with her problems.
"What you should do is interrupt a whiner. Say, 'Could you give me a concrete example of what you're talking about?' He's not going to do that because his whole purpose is to whine. So he'll go away.
"But he'll be back. When he comes back with a concrete example, say, 'Let's sit down and see if we can work together to solve that problem.' He won't want to do that because he wants to whine.
"When he comes back again, here is a magic phrase that works like a charm. If he comes back, ready to whine, say, 'Stop! Please don't bring that problem to me again. Since I can't help you with that problem, don't bring it to me again.' I have had whiners come up to me and then stop five feet away, because they know that I am going to say, "Stop! Don't bring that problem to me again.'
"The more staff members that take a stand and say, "Don't bring that problem to me,' or 'Let's sit down and problem solve', the more push back there is, then finally all this negative stuff can be pushed to the outside."
  |
Sale ends 04/25/2012
These are not your typical training DVDs. No scripts. No staged events. Imagine sitting down for a one-on-one conversation with some of the leaders in the field of early care and education. Imagine them presenting at your next class, staff development, or training session. This is the concept behind Voices on DVD.
This powerful series of DVDs offers you practical ideas and experienced insights from seasoned professionals who speak with the passion and perspective that can only come from years of working with directors, teachers, young children, and their families. Interlaced with real-life classroom video, they provide a rich platform for staff development and training sessions that will inspire, motivate, teach, provoke new thinking, and generate lively discussions.
Supporting Teacher Performance - Chapters:
- Staff morale and teacher performance
- Creating a supportive, nurturing environment with teachers
- The role of professional development
- Program directors as leaders
- Addressing the needs of different generations
- Managing conflict and embracing change
- Identifying staff members who aren't a good fit
- Recovering from morale challenges
- Addressing gossip and negative attitudes
ExchangeEveryDay
Delivered five days a week containing news, success stories, solutions, trend reports, and much more.
What is ExchangeEveryDay?
ExchangeEveryDay is the official electronic newsletter for Exchange Press. It is delivered five days a week containing news stories, success stories, solutions, trend reports, and much more.
We've been saving you time and money for 20 years with resources for parents and teachers. www.parentpagesnews.com Pages, Inc. We're in Spanish too!
Start earning your director credential from the convenience of your computer with Aim4Excellence™. Recognized by NAEYC.
Comments (7)
Displaying 5 of 7 Comments [ View all ]Camosun College
Victoria, BC, Canada
I have to reiterate your quote for today, "No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place" , which to me speaks of unconditional acceptance. I oppose labels like whiner, winner, weiner (one that children use). I am disheartened to think that a child would stop in their tracks because they knew someone would tell them, "Don't bring that problem to me again." Excuse me? Would you say this to a friend who tends to tell you the same problem over and over again as they work toward a solutlion.
The "whiner" may need some good old genuine affection and attention to learn how to leave a negative behaviour behind. It's been my experience that children who whine or cling for attention are doing this to get more attention. I'm confused as why we wouldn't want to give it to them. All the research on developing brains, developing self esteem, and emotional competence supports paying attention to these children. To say that a child does not want to find a solution and just wants to whine is very judgemental. I highly recommend professional development with a focus on active listening for anyone using "Don'ts" when working with young children.
Whew, that's off my chest...
Tompkins Hall Nursery and Childcare Center
New York, New York, United States
I muyst say this is just about the first time that I strongly disagree with your advice...children who whine do so because they do not feel they have another alternative: It is a passive way of expressing anger. A teacher can say:"Can you tell me what you need me to know in a different voice so that I can really understand what happened and help you...And let this child label her/his anger!
Interpersonal Skill Coaching
Seattle, WA, United States
I really agree with this article Holly. Interruption and redirecting to solution is a great way to handle whining. I also think it is important to make sure that we don't automatically label people who raise concerns as "whiners." Sometimes people repeat a concern because they don't feel heard.
Your solution of asking for examples and steering toward solution takes care of that beautifully. Thank you.
Trainer
NJ, United States
What is the implication for paralell processing in this piece? I would be concerned over this type of interaction between teacher and student and am not sure how effective it is between director and staff. It does not feel "right" to me.
Empowering Programs
Essex, VT, United States
Regarding, “Dealing with a Whiner”
Not having the ability to hear the tone of her voice or view her body language, it might be off the mark when I say, it feels disrespectful to talk with anyone like that.
It would rather the title be something like, "Responding to Whining" rather than labeling someone as a whiner. Like all other behaviors, whining is trying to tell us something. Our job is to figure out the message and respond in helpful ways. As employers, directors, mentors, it is our job to offer tactful feedback that will help others grow.
If our goal is to have the employee resign, the response, "Stop! Please don't bring that problem to me again. Since I can't help you with that problem, don't bring it to me again." may fit the bill. If our goal is to help the employee become more professional, a considerate and less confrontational approach would be more helpful. “It doesn’t seem like we were able to resolve this last time. Do you have some new ideas about this?” or “I’m not sure I have an answer to this one. Is there someone who you think might be able to sort this out with you?” After either of these responses the difficult part must happen, being very quiet and waiting for their reply.
Scott Noyes
Empowering Programs
Post a Comment