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Women as Communicators
January 27, 2009
The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
-Robert Cushing
-Robert Cushing
- We don't take up enough space. We should adapt the Wonderwoman stance — with our hands in the steeple gesture.
- We nod when we listen. Men nod only when they agree, so it looks like we are agreeing all the time.
- We tilt our heads when we talk. This shows we are good listeners, but not in a power position (which is signaled by holding one's head straight and keeping shoulders back).
- We introduce ourselves too soon. Men don't hear anything we say for the first seven seconds because they are busy checking us out — thus our name gets lost.
- We raise our voices at the end of the sentence. Our affirmative statements end up sounding like questions.
- We fidget too much— twice as much as men upon entering a room of people.
- We let men finish our sentences. Completing our own sentences would boost our self-esteem.
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Comments (8)
Displaying 5 of 8 Comments [ View all ]The Astor Home for Children
Beacon, NY, United States
Women don't need to strive to be like men. Women are thinkers, problem solvers, listeners and organizers. Women are sensitive, nurturing and practical. I think these are very significant qualities!
Natural Instincts Developmental Resources
Hanford, CA, United States
I think it is important to remember that although there is much about communication that is universal there is much diversity in styles of communication. We have to be culturally sensitve about communication styles. What may seem respectful, professional or effective in one culture may be considered rude or offensive in another. I think it is important to learn about different communication styles especially of populations within our communities.
Canada
I think Drummond's advice is being misinterpreted by these commenters. When she says "take up space", she's addressing the societal expectation for women to stay small -- cross your legs, be thin, talk quietly -- and although I think the Wonder Woman stance is a little over-the-top, in principle it's good advice.
And I find nothing empowering (or communicative) about ending each statement with a questioning upswing or being "complimented" when people interrupt me. If I have information to share, why should I give the impression that I'm unsure about it by questioning my own expertise/experience? If I have the floor to speak and am respectful of others' voices, why should I meekly accept people silencing me with interruptions?
I don't agree with *all* of Drummond's points, but she's not writing from a vacuum here. She's addressing the way that women are taught to defer and make themselves small and un-threatening, remain polite and ladylike and nurturing, even when we have valuable input to contribute. This is not "acting like men", this is code-switching to access the language of the dominant group.
Christian Community Child Center
Oshkosh, Wisconsin, United States
I love the response from Linda Leone because it shows respect for the way men and women each (in general) communicate. There's definitely room for both and we can all appreciate that.
Camosun College
Victoria, BC, Canada
Do these things and you will foster interpersonal communication skills, emotional intelligence,problem solving and peaceful negotiations.
1. Take up less space so there is room for more people, ideas, and creativity.
2. Nod when you listen, people will appreciate your undivided attention.
3. Tilt your head when you talk. This lets people know you are willing to cooperate and collaborate.
4. Introduce yourself right away and tell people a little bit about yourself -- introductions are important and we should know each other's name before we start discussing important matters.
5. Raise your voice at the end of a sentence, many people will think you are asking a question and feel comfortable in adding their perspective and insight.
6. Fidget a little -- it puts people at ease and may help you feel relaxed, too.
7. Speak up and share your thoughts, if someone interupts and completes your sentence take this as a compliment -- they are evidently listening and on track with the topic at hand.
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