I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other.
-Charles de Lint
In her book,
A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting, Hara Estroff Marano asks why so many young people today have such trouble coping when they are put in an environment where they have to function on their own. One reason, Marano answers, is the prevalence of "helicopter parenting" �" parents who hover and make a lot of noise rescuing children when a difficulty arises. Parents today, she observes, go to great lengths to take the discomfort and disappointment out of childhood, while pressuring their children to succeed. This combination of parental hyper concern and micro scrutiny have the unintended effect of making kids more fragile �" they are unable to deal with stress because they didn't learn coping skills growing up. Marano offers these suggestions to parents...
Let children play. Starting when they are young, provide unstructured time for exploration and play.
Eat dinner together. Start at an early age with everyone sitting at the same table eating the same food, with nothing else going on but conversation in which every family member gets to participate.
Teach how to tolerate discomfort. Help children develop frustration tolerance skills and ability to cope with uncertainty.
Learn how and what to praise. How you give praise to a child is important. Reward the process and the effort �" not the talent or the product.
Encourage your child to problem-solve. Teach and model brainstorming for new ideas and creative problem solving.
Give kids increasing responsibilities. Try to stop managing their lives for them.
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Comments (5)
Displaying All 5 CommentsDar es Salaam, Tanzania, United Republic of
Thank you so much for such a wonderful article. For parents living in urban areas this is what happens. Out of ignorance we have limited time for example to eat with our children, let them play freerly. Much of what I see in my neighborhood is over protectiveness which is less helpful to our children.
Thank you once again!!
THE GAMBIA RADIO
BANJUL, KSMD, Gambia
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ARTICLE WHICH WILL HELP BOTH PARENTS AND TEACHERS TO TRAIN CHILDREN.THANKS
Happy Campers
San Carlos, CA, United States
I am so happy to finally hear someone else think the same way I do! I agree that too many parents are not teaching their children how to just deal with stuff. I think it is very important to allow children to work through their own problems, even if they cry, stamp their feet, etc. As the director of a preschool, it is very clear which children are learning these skills and which are not. It's important for parents to know that they are here to teach their kids everything! We have to teach them how to sleep through the night, how to walk, how to talk and how to deal with problems. We don't teach anything by solving their problems for them or blaming others. Thank you for sending this article. I plan to add it my next newsletter!
The Halton Resource Connection
Georgetown, Ontario, Canada
This was one of the best articles I have read.Thank you so much. I would love to hear more about what our generation of parents can do to fix the mess we have done (although well intentioned).
United States
So timely, true and helpful for the children of today commencing through all the insecurities of the world. Our preschool classroom meeting of the week was yesterday with a behavior specialist, discussing much of the same topics and needs.
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