ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

I have been a long-time subscriber and frequently encourage others to receive your daily emails and subscribe to your periodical.

As a respected early childhood professional and as a lesbian mother, I am offended, appalled, and deeply saddened that you would include "homosexuality" amongst an "increasingly bewildering social environment."

I expect Child Care Exchange to honor diversity through respectful communications, by thoroughly evaluating material presented for a myriad of potential offenses including discrimination and slanderous material.

There is a multitude of research defining the critical elements that support children's healthy development. Diverse families raise healthy children everyday, and I would hope that Child Care Exchange recognizes all families' efforts to raise healthy and resilient children.

In order to continue to subscribe and encourage others to sign up for your magazine and emails, I need to see a sincere apology from Child Care Exhange sent to all of the subscribers of this Daily email publication. Heather

I had the privilege of meeting David Elkind at a presentation he was giving on The Hurried Child in the early 80's. I was new to the profession of early childhood. His presentation was such an influence on my teaching career. I have read and re-read his book on numerous occassions during my life. I used it as a parent and with the children I taught. He definitely had it right then and especially today. I believe The Hurried Child was one of the best books on parenting and early childhood I ever read. After 35 years in the field, I still feel he's the best!

I have great respect for Dr. Elkind - had the pleasure of hearing him lecture - wow - and agree that we "hurry" our children. BUUUUUT, I find it questionable to place homosexuality in the same sentence, and by implication, same context, as divorce and single parenthood.

I must take umbrage at the quote taken from "The Hurried Child" by David Elkind. I appreciate that children are exposed to many societal pressures - however - society continues to change. Change often brings confusion and sometimes pain. It is part of the growing process for all human beings. What does not change is the love and nurturing of a child's parent or parents regardless of their marital status or sexual orientation.

As the other commenters have noted, it saddens me to think that some early childhood professionals believe that "non-traditional" families create stress for young children. I wholeheartedly believe that children deserve a slower, more peaceful childhood- and to be shielded from gratuitous sex and violence. But having a single parent, having two homosexual parents, or even living with loving non-parent guardians is not, in and of itself, a negative experience. The Hurried Child was written a long time ago, so perhaps we can pardon Elkind for his narrow thinking and find the wisdom in his other observations. But there is no excuse for this email to have been sent in 2011 without any editorial note. I love the daily Exchange emails, and I frequently share them with my staff and the families in my programs. Today's email was a disturbing way to start my day.

I also resent the implication that certain family compositions are more difficult to cope with than the nuclear model. I believe that living in a nuclear family can be as "emotionally charged" as any other type, sometimes more so even depending on the dynamics of the family.
I agree with the previous comments posted, that it is not these circumstances that actually have an impact on children, except of course in the case of a divorce where children have to deal with an actual loss. Rather it is the reaction of others in the child's society and their surroundings which will greatly influence their perception of their family.
We must be very cognizant of the messages we send as educators, especially now with some basic human rights being largely ignored in our so-called developed nations.
I thank you for the opportunity to respond and I do truly appreciate this resource.

I am very sad that divorce, single parenthood, and homosexuality would be consider bewildering. If the definition of what makes a young child bewildered is that they are different or their family is different, then every child would fit that category. The reality is that our job as a society is to show children that we are all different and that it is ok to be different. What makes those stated above bewildering is how society chooses to continue to make these things negative. Further, I am bothered by your additional comments "...requires a young child to try to understand complex and emotional issues at an age when she or he is still trying to come to grips with the most basic social concepts."
Actually, if we raise children with the perspective that single parenthood or homosexualiaty are in our society's "basic social concepts," then there shouldn't be a need for the child "to come to grips." Don't get me wrong, something like divorce or any kind of change in a child's life can cause "complex and emotional issues." However, as a society we can do better.
For instance, my nieces are raised knowing I'm gay. They were never told this was any different or taught that this was not a basic social concept. To them, it is. Yes, there came an age when my oldest niece had questions for my sister. Her questions were not about sex or why was I different. Actually, her questions were about why did others in her class think I was different. My 4 year old niece has met my partner and absolutely loves him. She has seen us together and doesn't know the difference from her other aunts and uncles. The reality is she won't until someone decides to tell her or show her that it is not a "basic social concept."
I understand that you do not always post things you agree with, but to allow for discussion. In my opinion, this has crossed the line. This only promotes the hatred or lack of understand that exists as a "social concept." Would you publish something that suggests being a different race or ethnicity is bewildering to young children?

I am slightly reassured knowing that a reflection was made prior to posting this particular quotation from Elkind's work, however, I respectfully convey my disappointment with the decision to go ahead and use it. I am sad for families with two mummies or two daddies to have to be reminded of our ignorant past. We know better and should therefore be doing better.

I agree with the previous posters, homosexuality should not be lumped together with divorce and single parenthood. Today is a new day, a day when homosexuality is no longer a "bewilderment"

I am surprised and saddened that you chose this piece of Elkind's work, that paints homosexuality as a source of confusion for children. As a gay parent, I don't consider the way that I was born to be part of the cultural shift toward rushing children to be prematurely adult-like. I would bet that most of the estimate 14 million children of gay parents would agree--especially considering the research that is indicating children of gay parents tend to be more well adjusted than children in the general population. I will thank you for this quote, however, as it encourages me to reread The Hurried Child with quite a critical eye.

As editor of ExchangeEveryDay I make it a policy never to respond to comments, and have never done so in the 10 plus years that I have been doing this. I thought long and hard about including the word "homosexual" in this clip. From reading the full chapter it was clear to me that Elkind was not saying that homosexuality or single parenthood or divorce is bad or good. As you can see from the response, the topic of homosexuality is emotionally charged and like divorce and single parenthood requires a young child to try to understand complex and emotional issues at an age when she or he is still trying to come to grips with the most basic social concepts.

I know that the Hurried Child was written in the early 1980's at a time when homosexuality was understood differently and I don't know the context of this quotation from the book, but out of context it seemed to vilify homosexuality, and why would homosexuality be lumped along with divorce and single parenthood as sources of change, confusion and pain? Would heterosexuality be a similar stress for a child to cope with? By isolating and citing homosexuality here, again out of context, there seems to be the implication that homosexual parents expose their children to something to "survive," to "cope with without cracking" when families led by LGBT couples are as healthy and loving as those led by heterosexual parents.

I am really shocked by your use of Elkind's quote that includes homosexuality as contributing to a "bewildering social environment," resulting in "confusion and pain" to children. Remember guys, lesbians and gay men have civil rights...just like heterosexual folks, in many places here and around the world. I am not so shocked that Elkind would say it but I am truly dismayed that you would use that quote, forwarding it to such a large number of educators. Is this an intentional offense to so many of us and our children and our friends and their children or just careless privilege?

I look forward to Every Day. Today's posting shocked me. Is Exchange promoting the idea that there is something wrong with homosexuality? I don't know how the idea of two people loving each other can be stressful for a child, unless the child has been raised in a homophobic environment.

I think stress comes when children don't have strong secure relationships with significant others.

Like Susan, I was struck by Elkind's reference to homosexualty. He has so much good to say about slowing down our lives that this seems an unfortunate choice - as if single parenthood can always be avoided or people choose to be homosexual. Too bad other references weren't chosen to illustrate the point.

I didn't realize that Elkind wrote about homosexuality. Do young children with same-sex parents have more stress? Had not seen that in any research. You are promoting that idea? Susan