ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

I wonder how the author measures self esteem and whether this is confused with self confidence? Jesper Juul's model of Self Esteem (Your Competent Child) gives a helpful model. Self esteem is described as a three legged 'stool' with each leg being of equal importance. - competence, belonging, worth.

I've always believed that what we want for all children (and adults) is that they have a feeling of self worth. The belief that they are worthy people...thus helping them become resilient. Whether self esteem or self worth, the issue is how adults believe it is attained and the role they play. Unfortunately too many still believe in empty praise and over praising children. John Holt said that what children really want is our sincere attention, not empty praise. I agree.

The self-esteem issue for young children has been overplayed for years. Only if children have come from a background of abuse, they have a very high level of self esteem. Catering to boosting a child's "self-esteem" usually leads to spoiling and an overexaggerated sense of self-worth. Now research proves it.

"Sorry Johnny, you are thinking too positively about yourself today, I need to tell you you're fat and no one likes you. You'll thank me later when you don't grow up to be a criminal and racist, just suicidal."

Only 1 in 10 thoughts about yourself is positive, the few of us who have more positive thoughts also tend to be leaders and take chances because they have a healthy attitude, may that lead to taking chance with crime too? Maybe, but does that mean we should stop what we are doing?

One last thought - the article also states that high self-esteem MAY lead to the problems listed. It doesn't have to, if balanced with respect for others.

Sorry to say...is this author confusing self-esteem with egocentrism?
using Christmas as a reference..Jesus Christ was a human being with high self-esteem, not to mention Nelson Mandela or Gandhi...there is no sign that Jesus was racist, violent or criminal
High self-esteem when combined with lack of egocentrism become an humble person, with high sense of reality and its place on Earth...

According to the Webster's dictionary, self esteem is "a confidence and satisfaction in oneself." That does follow some of what this article is pointing out. I think there are lots of variables, but we do need to be careful about how we encourage "self-esteem" so that children don't become egotistical. I have actually seen some parents that defend their children regardless of the behavior or problems that may exist. These children may have high self-esteem, and no desire to make themselves better. Our profession has redefined self-esteem to be a fuzzy, feel-good phrase to help children, but in the extreme, it can cause problems.

Is this writer (researcher?) talking about real, balanced self esteem, or a false self esteem based on praise rather than encouragement? Unrealistic views of one's self come about from being praised, especially regarding things one is not responsible for, such a pretty hair or great jeans. Encouragement helps one to try and accomplish tasks and be realistic about what one can do. This is a great topic to continue discussing because I think we maybe developing personalities that have an unrealistic view of self with no regard for a realistic view of others. Back to Maslow's hierarchy of social development!
and a clear understnading of the difference between praise and encouragement.

I agree with the comments of others. His definition of self-esteem is OFF. True self esteem would include an deep inner security and self acceptance. Only when we truly accept of and approve of ourselves, we can accept others. Racism, bias and criticism is born of insecurity and competition.

His definition of high self-esteem sounds more like egotism. Arthur
Combs and Carl Rogers never hurt anyone.

I think the self-esteem he describes is confused with sociopathic or psychopathic personalities. He's missing some variables in his research, if in fact he did research and is not just stating opinion. The conclusion makes no sense.

I think there is a misunderstanding as to what self esteem is. Self esteem is a realistic view of oneself, strengths and challenges. It seems to me that we are talking here about people who are narcissistic.

Well...my first thoughts on this article is that it is ridiculous. Then, reading it again, I find myself asking "we need to define 'self-esteem' as it is used here". Of course thinking too highly of oneself on every level could be seen as a reason for intolerance of others, not to mention lead to corruption of those in power. Is high self-esteem really the reason for Hitler's actions, or is high-self esteem really the reason for the kind of confidence that enabled Dr. King to do his work, or Mr. Obama to work tirelessly against the odds to become our next president. I would need to read what the "experts" are saying and understand their definition of "self-esteem". One thing is for sure you can't give self-esteem to someone who doesn't have it, and you can't take it away from those who do, at least not very easily.

Well...my first thoughts on this article is that it is ridiculous. Then, reading it again, I find myself asking "we need to define 'self-esteem' as it is used here". Of course thinking too highly of oneself on every level could be seen as a reason for intolerance of others, not to mention lead to corruption of those in power. Is high self-esteem really the reason for Hitler's actions, or is high-self esteem really the reason for the kind of confidence that enabled Dr. King to do his work, or Mr. Obama to work tirelessly against the odds to become our next president. I would need to read what the "experts" are saying and understand their definition of "self-esteem". One thing is for sure you can't give self-esteem to someone who doesn't have it, and you can't take it away from those who do, at least not very easily.

Well...my first thoughts on this article is that it is ridiculous. Then, reading it again, I find myself asking "we need to define 'self-esteem' as it is used here". Of course thinking too highly of oneself on every level could be seen as a reason for intolerance of others, not to mention lead to corruption of those in power. Is high self-esteem really the reason for Hitler's actions, or is high-self esteem really the reason for the kind of confidence that enabled Dr. King to do his work, or Mr. Obama to work tirelessly against the odds to become our next president. I would need to read what the "experts" are saying and understand their definition of "self-esteem". One thing is for sure you can't give self-esteem to someone who doesn't have it, and you can't take it away from those who do, at least not very easily.

Well...my first thoughts on this article is that it is ridiculous. Then, reading it again, I find myself asking "we need to define 'self-esteem' as it is used here". Of course thinking too highly of oneself on every level could be seen as a reason for intolerance of others, not to mention lead to corruption of those in power. Is high self-esteem really the reason for Hitler's actions, or is high-self esteem really the reason for the kind of confidence that enabled Dr. King to do his work, or Mr. Obama to work tirelessly against the odds to become our next president. I would need to read what the "experts" are saying and understand their definition of "self-esteem". One thing is for sure you can't give self-esteem to someone who doesn't have it, and you can't take it away from those who do, at least not very easily.

Even if the experts agree on this article, I do not see it as solid information. People with low-self esteem can also act out violently on others who are different because of their fear of the unknown. Fear can manifest as anger and does many times. We see this in school bullies everyday. Many of them act tough but are really hurting on the inside and do not have a strong self esteem or self image.