ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

I try to keep up with contemparary culture within the work place. I believe that thier are different rules for different situations. During a conference 0r training, cell phones should either be turned off or placed on vibrate. If the call needs to be answered, go to another room and call back the caller. This is out of courtesy for the speaker and your collegues in the conference. The speaker, or the MC should set the rules before the conference begins.
I had always thought that knitting during a conference was rude. A collegue shared with me that it helped her concentrate. I don't see playing games on a cell phone the same way however that may be generational.
I am a home visitor and turn off my cell phone during visits unless I am awaiting an important phone call. In this case, I let the family know ahead of time.
Another issue I have is people bringing their computors to keep up with e-mails during trainings conferences and even classes! When they are done with that, they play solitaire.
The bottom line issue is that when people are engaged in cell phone use or computor use, they are not engaged and contributing with what is going on around them and may even be distracting others.

More folks need to read this article.

I am surprised about this message in this forum. When a parent has a child is in daycare, the cellphone is ignored for no one.

Cells phones have an important place in our daily life. However, people need to be taught when and where to use the phone.

In the work place or at meetings your cell phone should be turned off. It is amazing to me that we should have to tell teachers that texting while working is not appropriate.

I was significantly annoyed by the response from Athena Baldwin. Manners are supposed to be a mechanism to place people first. I am frustrated when I see others getting that backwards, and manipulating manners to serve their sense of entitlement. I am seriously weary of all the folks who believe they are somehow the only thing of importance that others might need to attend to.

To all those folks I hardly know who are offended that I keep my lifeline to my family on my hip, I'm sorry you are welded to a past reality, but now I CAN have access to my child or wife when they are not immediately present, and yes, they trump you. I tend to lump these people into the same category as those self entitled folks who complain when parents dare to bring their children to a "nice" restaurant, or to church, or to the theater.

To all those folks who are offended by the sight of me sitting at a cafe table alone and talking on my phone, please explain why my voice would not be offensive if I was speaking to another person physically present at that same table, making the same noises but not into a phone.

To all those who would dare to express outrage if my child calls while I am listening to a presentation, I look forward to that opportunity to respond with a little outrage of my own. If a child stepped into the room and called out for her Mommy, would we scold the parent?

Personally, I consider the presumption of rude intent the very height of rudeness. If another's lifeline makes a noise, I will - out of courtesy - make the assumption they simply forgot to set it to vibrate, or that vibrate isn't a feature of their lifeline. I might even make the assumption that they are in a better position to judge the relative urgency of that call than I am.

Yes, be courteous. Attend to conversations. Ascribe proper attention as each situation warrants. Use these new means of communication with grace and consideration. And - please - leave your sense of self righteous outrage at home.

The world has changed. Get over it.

I think that it is important to note that ideas like "etiquette" and "common courtesy" are culturally based. Cell phones and technology are changing the way that people work and live. They are also changing what is considered acceptable behavior in societies all over the world. As always, these changes come with a certain amount of conflict. I believe that it is in the interest of effective leaders to engage in conversation with families and staff members to work to create expectations and rules that reflect a broad range of opinions (and may actually fly in the face of what some people consider to be common courtesy).

I agree with much of what has been said and while I do understand that sometimes people have to stay connected, I myself have an elderly father who lives 200+ miles from me, I do not see that as an excuse of reason for using that technology in a meeting. When I am in a meeting or a training I put my cellphone on silent so it only lights up when a call or text comes in; if it is something that I must attend to then I excuse myself from the room and take the call or return the text. Others in my agency seen to think that covering their mouth with their free hand while talking into the phone during the meeting is sufficient. I find it as rude as someone who takes a landline call when I am in a meeting with them; my tendency is to leave the room to give them privacy but I am often encouraged to stay put despite my discomfort. I think I shall try some of the ideas that have been given here.

Most peoples views have not taken into consideration that some people have got very important things going on in their lives that require cell phone use. While it is never appropriate in a buisness setting, you must ask yourself, could the person next to you be a doctor whose patient just went into labor, could it be the persons sick parents care giver or their child's daycare calling to report an emergency. While we are so busy being annoyed we have forgotten to have compassion for those whose phone use is unavoidable.

Good Morning,

Existing technology has created an avenue for inappropriate behavior however I believe that the behavior of those lacking respect flow back to parenting mistakes. I was taught respect by my family at a young age. Our society is now allowing television, video games, email and even cell phones to ocuppy a significant amount of time in the lives of our children which contributes to attention defecit disorder as well as the inability for our children to disconnect from technology for any length of time without feeling as if they are mising something. Linking cancer to cell phone use has not even minimized use of these items in our society. It is the addiction of today's youth to these technological advances spilling into the realm of our adult lives as a result. Minimize use of technology in exchange for family time in you home as well as work enviroment. At the office in which I work we chose to shut down operations this morning to do some Christmas Caroling and everyone joined, had fun and no one picked up a cell phone or missed anything as a result. What we gained was Christmas Cheer.

Paula

I had a problem with parents coming in to pick up their children and would talk on the phone the entire time they were in the building. Therefore teachers could not talk to the parents about their child's day. I hung a sign at the entrace of our facility that says, "Now is the time to turn off your cell phones and tune in to your child." It really seemed to help.

While it's obvious, I'm going to say this anyway ... one thing we can do is model appropriate behavior. For example, when I'm in a training with my staff, I make it obvious that I'm turning off my cell phone.

I share your frustrations with folks' lack of courtesy and professionalism.

Gotta go ... my cell phone is ringing --- just kidding! :>)

When in a conversation with someone and they answer their cell it says to me that I am not important.
Recently a parent complained because she felt that a new emlpoyee was being rude to her because she never spoke when the parent picked up her child. When I talked to the employee she told me that the parent is always on the phone and she did not want to interupt her conversation and this was confirmed by the other teacher in the room.
I also have had a problem with teachers and cell phones, I have tried to be understanding about their families being able to contact them but it seems to get out of hand once you give them a little freedom. I think that we as a society have become so full of ourselves and need to take a reality check on proper behavior.

My school's parent handbook reminds parents that pick-up and drop off times are important to their children and that their cell phone conversations need to end at the gate. If they answer a call while in a classroom we ask them to end it, or step outside the gate. If they are doing an obseration in the classroom, we ask them to turn their phone off.

Dr. Holakouie in Los Angeles makes this announcement at the beginning of his seminars: "Please turn off your cellphones. If you are so important that you have to use a cell phone, you can't be in this meeting"

I totally agree. Cell-phones have overtaken our lives. We can't seem to get along without them although there was a time when we did (I'm dating myself).

People, establishments, institutions need to implements restriction in cell phone use. Like all things new, we, as a society, need to determine appropriate cell phone courtesy and useage. In the mean time, peole will keep doing what they are doing. We need to start frowning upon the inconvinience that cell phone users are putting upon other.

Anyways, that's the way I see it.

Grace

When we ignore, or do nothing about, such behaviour we are giving the offenders tacit approval to continue. Drawing attention to such breaches of etiquette is one way to address it.
If someone takes a call in the middle of a conversation - get up and walk away.
When someone continually texts in an important meeting - take a coffee break, (or re-schedule) and explain why - "Fred obviously has something more urgent he needs to attend to, so we'll re-convene when he can give us his full attention".
In a public lecture - appeal to peer pressure. Stop the presentation and ask "Is someone next to you using their mobile? Is it bothering you? If so, feel free to ask them to stop."
In an elevator - what would happen if everyone turned to face the caller and appeared to listen with rapt attention?
By saying and doing nothing we have given people permission to trample on basic social courtesies and ignore the rights and feelings of others - we need to start letting them know it's not okay.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent!

Advance rules posted in plain view and reminders via announcements at the beginning of a meeting help. Setting the rules together prior to the start of the meeting can work, but need repeating at each event.

But...has anyone just stopped speaking and waited for the end of the cell conversation? Has anyone asked a person to finish their call outside or later? Have you walked away from the person who has taken the call - left the table, walked away on the sidewalk, exited the elevator, etc?

As an ECE person, I am also appalled at the number of parents who talk on their cells in public places and totally ignore their children. Staffs need to produce a position statement about the use of cell phones when your child is with you (not a call that confirms a date or a time; I mean a full-fledged conversation. What part of "I'll call you back" don't parents understand?

Three points to comment on:

We have a posted no cell phone policy in our front office and even in our staff lounge.

I agree with one of the other posts.....it is extremely difficult when parents are picking up their child/ren and they are engaged in a telephone conversation instead of paying attention to their child/ren - who has missed them all day and they need their parents undivided attention.

At the beginning of a meeting, the announcer should ask the participants to kindly turn all cells phone offs. Thank you!

I agree this is a problem. We were having a family movie night and one mom was on her cell phone for about 20mins, sitting with others around her, just talking away on her cell phone, while the movie was going. I like the NO CELL PHONE sign. Thank you.

We have designated our school outdoor classroom and indoor classrooms "cell free zones" and have this posted on our entry door. We did this to hopefully help parents focus on their children during drop off and pick up times. We received no complaints from parents and it is generally followed. These times are filled with minor distractions all day and we wanted to make sure our children didn't feel like distractions.

The biggest concern is when parents pick up children (after being apart for an 8 hour day) and are talking on the phone while they approach the child, help the child put on their coat, wave good bye to the teachers, etc... We've had to put up signs that day care is a NO CELL PHONE zone due to this issue and I've often had to remind parents to put their phones away when picking up and dropping off children. It's such an important time to focus on the children!

Usually I like to stare at the person on the phone I get really quiet and make it obvious I am listening to their conversation, no one has said anything yet but if and when they do I will simply say, "oh, I thought you WANTED me to hear what you were saying since you were so loud"

I, too, find it extremely annoying. It seems my new boss will be doing it--she said to me, as she was helping in child care by holding a baby, "I'm sorry; I have to take this call."
My only suggestion to date is, if in a conversation with the person, say, "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to interrupt" (OR "I see you're too busy right now." I think I would walk away, depending on who it is.

Perhaps there should be a "course" - CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE 101 everyone takes prior to purchasing a cell phone! I think the most unbelievable situation I have experienced regarding cell phone etiquette was during a job interview. The person interviewing me stopped in the middle of the interview to take a personal phone call. She proceeded to "chat" for about 10 minutes - including discussing the details of her recent surgery! I was very uncomfortable and also felt it was inconsiderate on her part. Needless to say I did not accept this job offer! Personally I think cell phones should be on vibrate during most of the work day. IF you are expecting an important phone call you should tell the person in advance and then excuse yourself for a short conversation.

I especially think it is rude to have a cell phone conversation when you are in a public restroom. Both as someone using the restroom as well as the person on the other end of the phone when someone is calling you from a restroom.

When conducting meetings within our Division or with my staff we open our meetings by going over rules of conduct for meetings. These rules include "NO" cell phone usage. Turn them off and leave them in your purse or pocket. Also, I operate two child care centers and I do not allow the use of personal cell phones during work hours unless on a personal break. While in the centers, turn them off and leave them in your purse, coat, or locker.

As an ECE Director, for the first year ever, we had to create cell phone policies for both our parents & staff. "NO CELL ZONE" for picking-up and dropping off your child, parents are asked to step out of the room to take or make a call. Staff: ringers off during time with children, can respond to text message, take or make a phone call if they let their co-worker know & step out of the room. AS an ECE college instructor, in class one texting student was asked if there was "anything interesting down there they'd like to share with the class!" I ask students to step out of the room, ringers off, no texting-it counts against their participation grade. It is always fair to let people know ahead of time (meeting, class, presentation) your guidelines and proper procedures. Good luck with the elevator & store lines!

I have found that stating expectations clearly from the beginning is very helpful. When leading large meetings or giving presentations, I simply start the conversation out with what can be expected of me, and then what I expect in return during the course of the presentation. That ALWAYS includes a statement about cell phone usage during the meeting/presentation.

If I am an attendee at a meeting and someone is interrupting with cell phone usage, I will make a request of the group that we all agree not to use each others time and attention for our personal phone calls/text messages, asking for group agreement to act with basic respect for one another's busy schedules. If your call/text is important enough to take your attention during the meeting (and sometimes they are), then it's important enough for you to excuse yourself from the room and handle your business, allowing the rest of us to avoid being held hostage by your personal life/calls or whatever it is that is taking precedence in your mind.

I know what you mean, I have encountered all of those events out in the general community. as the owner/director of a preschool, I have also encountered another rude/inconsiderate/inappropriate activity that people do with their cell phones. Teachers answer or make calls while on supervision duty in the yard or in the nap room! I have had a conversation with another director, whoose staff were doing the same thing. In our center, it was a problem with two specific employees, so I decided to bring it up during individual supervision conferences with each of them. I explained why I was uncomfortable with cell phone use during those times, and explained that they needed to focus on their job while on the clock and that cell phone use should be confined to lunch and breaks. I also added a section to the employee handbook that specifically addressed the cell phone etiquitte expectations. I think that the important thing when it is happening in your work place is to find a way to make expectations clear. If you are not the supervisor, your supervisor might greatly appreciate your input on the issue, and feel like he or she was finally not the only one noticing it!

I think that having clear policies and expectations is very important.

I think before we begin to address this problem, we must begin to understand the WHY'S of it.

In consulting with Early Childhood Centers, as I attempt to get them to engage children, I am thinking about how I have to understand their true NEED to communicate and not so much join in the condemnation, but work with them to relieve the clear anxiety they are experiencing.

I really want to know what this is about. How have we played into it. How do true leaders MODEL the essence of manners, truly looking at what makes people comfortable and uncomfortable.

I believe this is a cultural issue that is bigger than manners, and has to do with anxiety, how people are posturing themselves, people's needs to fit in, and other issues. It is more complex than just manners.

I have no suggestions, just conversations I have begun, to open up new ideas about what it means to be "in touch" with people. We are creating rules that are very difficult to keep up with these days. (return calls, emails, etc, yet not talk in cars, in public, etc.)

I have recently been reading a few parent guides on how to improve communication with your child so your child will listen and noticed that many of these principles can also be applied to adults on cell phones. The books talk about 'attending' or using statements that describe what you see instead of using directions or questions.
If you are in a confined public space where someone is having a personal conversation, you can state for example "I did not ask for it, but get to hear all about someone else's private life". When presenting for an audience of which some use the cell phone you can make the statement "I see some people using their cell phones which disrupts the presentation. Using your cell phone outside this room would be less of a distraction."
It is never too late to learn. Using parenting skills on adults may teach them to abide by cell phone etiquette.

This is a tough one for several reasons. Our availability has been increased drastically since the introduction of cell phones. Directors are able to be reached easily and as a result many are now able to attend daytime seminars, taking college classes, complete errands, with a greater peace of mind - knowing that if anything goes wrong they can be reached. Staff are able to have peace of mind when there is something going on with their own child or with family. On the other hand, as your article implies, this technology can also be a real pain in the foot. Being a trainer for our Resource and Referral agency, this is particularly challenging in workshops and seminars. We have implemented a policy that it is not acceptable to take calls during training. Paritipants are reminded of this at the beginning of each session. Sometimes there is a clear need for a cell to be on vibrate...a child home sick with Grandma, a mother in the hospital, etc. When someone has a good reason to keep the phone on vibrate they are certainly allowed. What we have found is that the need is seldom abused and that most early educators turn off their phones immediately after entering our conference room even before the reminder is given. I think that adults are like children in many ways, this situation included. It takes time to adjust to new rules, but when they are consistently applied in a respectful manner and understand the need for the rule in the first place, they eventually get it! With human beings there are no

I was at a conference and at the beginning of the meeting the woman announced that anyone who had a cell phone ring during the session would have to donate $10 to that locations charity. I thought it was a great idea to reduce cell phone calls interupting and a great way for the charity to make some money.
Betty Read

re: phone etiquette
First... deal with it directly when presenting in front of an audience ( get the person who's introducing you to tell people to please turn off all electronic devices.... those folks could be taping you without your consent!)
Second... perhaps you might be a proactive leader in getting phone companies to include a little Phone Etiquette sheet accompanying the sale of every new cell phone???
THird..... when you're talking with someone and the phone rings immediately say "Whew..... Do you have an emergency?"

I don't have any solutions for this problem, just my thoughts.

I see this as a matter of respect, and unfortunately, it is a lost art. My opinion is that in many cases people in our society are not picking up on these social cues because no one has taken the time to teach it to them. When I was growing up (and I'm only 37 - I know my comment makes me sound really old) my parents taught me to respect them first, and then how to respect others. They also taught me a lot of other things that aren't taught to kids these days - to pay for my own things by getting a job and how to be a good employee for my employer, knowing that the world did not revolve around me (actually, they made me feel like very little of the world had anything to do with me - and that definitely put my self-image into perspective, in a healthy way), and they taught me that we didn't have to have everything we wanted or saw - and we could still be happy and productive members of society.

These types of life lessons are not taught to kids these days (except to children like mine - and I'm guessing they appreciate it as much as I did when I was their age, I just hope they can appreciate it when they get older and see the benefits from it) and I believe it is parents that need to teach these things to their children. The question is . . . . who is going to teach it to the parents??

Business Meeting: Set the rules in advance so that everyone is on the same page and aware of what's acceptable or not. (i.e. turn off all cell phones, put on vibrate and leave the room if it's an emergency.) Before each meeting, mention the rule(s). It's out of respect to give full attention to presentor.

This article got me thinking about our classroom of 2 year old's where there must be at least a dozen (battery removed) cell phones out for the kids to play and pretend with, imitating their parents. Here is a new generation learning the same behavior.

The cell phone issue also extends to staff. Despite the staff's drawing up their own cell phone policy which prohibits the use of the cell phone during working hours, the problem still continues. It is a difficult policy to enforce as one would have to be omnipresent, and, aside from cell phone use resulting in a hit on their performance review, what are the enforceable repercussions?

I certainly agree that the person who answers his cellphone or text message in the middle of a conversation could use some lessons in etiquette. And, yes, some of the conversations we've all been exposed to are probably not something we really need to experience again. I'm not sure what the answer to those things might be. I'm thinking that the next time my friend checks her text message from her boyfriend and laughs I'm going to get out my phone and make a call.
But, at the risk of sounding like a Pollyanna - I've learned not to take offense during a presentation or training when someone is playing games. We all learn in different ways - at least that's what I tell myself - and maybe that person really is paying attention. If not, maybe there's something missing from my presentation if the audience needs a diversion. I'm also moving past the need to control a group by requiring that cell phones be turned off - I heard a great speaker once say when a phone rang during a presentation "You must really be important for someone to need you so badly. Go right ahead and take that call." It worked like a charm and no one else needed a reminder. For some folks - usually younger than I am - the cell phone is part of their culture and they don't seem to be able to abandon it for any reason.

It really IS about respect. However, this profound lack of respect we experience regarding the use of phones in our lives began way before cell phones were ever invented! For those of us who can remember back to before devises such as phone recorders or voice mail, our conversations and meetings were continually interrupted by incoming phone calls - and a person "in the flesh" was expected to wait! And after we all became quite confident in the technology of voice mail, strangely it still continued to happen!

I required my employees to resist their inbreed need to pick up a ringing phone and begin a new conversation at the expense of disrespectfully delaying what they were already engaged in with another client or a fellow employee! Delaying gratification is a learned response critical to emotional development, and 911 was created to cover emergencies!

I often think of a documentary from many years ago regarding our behavior related to ringing phones. It was hypothesized that if an alien culture were to observe us they would wonder what authority or religion controlled us so profoundly through this ringing instrument that it would consistently receive such immediate response - even during the most serious or intimate (read "sex"!) encounters! Reviewing our own personal experiences for examples that reflect this will quickly provide evidence that the disrespect we experience today regarding cell phone usage is not a new phenomenon, and should come as no surprise!

We have to be willing to risk reproach. We have to acknowledge a teachable moment and say I think it is rude when....clearly no one says these things and nothing is learned.

I teach at our local community college and the college put a ban on cell phone use during class. Students are advised that they are not to use phone during class time. Our area high schools have also put a ban on cell phone use in class.
I personally always try to remember to turn my phone off during meetings. The interruptions are rude and inconsiderate. Although I am forgiving when it is the odd call and the person is discreet and leaves the room.

This is so frustrating. As a presenter and instructor I always request that students silence their phones. I do have some single mom's who are students so if a child is sick they usually pull me aside and explain that they are keeping their phone on vibrate. No problem.
I recall one training I gave and a staff member continued to text and answer the phone throughout. After the 3rd ring I approached her, held out my hand for her phone and informed the caller that she was attending a workshop and couldn't talk right now. There were no more disruptions.

Being of the Baby Boomer generation I find these things most disturbing. When we were growing up we had Emily Post and all of the norms of etiquette spelled out for us and taught to us by our parents and grandparents. I think our norms are different now. Our society is changing. It is more diverse so another culture's norms are apparant, we have the introduction of personal, portable electronics, and some claim society's pace is faster. I haven't noticed if any of the etiquette gurus have tackled the cell phone issues or not. If not, companies need to have strict policies regarding their use when at meetings, in cubicles, and when driving on work business.

During a training once, a women's cell phone rang during the presentation.  The presenter stopped, laughed, and then answered her cell phone for her.  He told the caller that the women could not talk at that time and to call back in an hour.  After that, you could hear many cell phones being turned off.  I once had a potential employee answer a cell phone call during an interview!  She continued to hold a personal conversation and I asked her to leave.

I sit in amazement during staff and management meetings as cell phones repeatedly go off (in vibe mode but none the less can be heard and seen) and not one person in authority challenges it. Additionally, I hear phones with annoying ringtones go off all day long and they can be heard while the person is on their office phone. I've decided to speak about the issue directly with my supervisor (who is also the ED). Hopefully, we will develop some rules. Yes, I do use have a cell and text so I'm not just an old cell phone basher.

During a meeting, stop the meeting asking the person with the cell phones to please leave the room.

In an elevator, stare at the person on their cell phone without blinking :)

In a conversation, simply walk away as if you weren't in a conversation with the person. If chased by them, put up the hand and keep walking.

For presentations I do a visualization activity when we remember long ago and far away the capacity to disconnect and fully attend. Then I ask them to reflect and truly describe an emergency and stress the importance of their full participation for their group. I then request that unless they are in a true emergency situation that they do not text, call or use computers for the rest of the day and promise I will give them a text/ bathroom break of 15-20 minutes every several hours.This has really helped

If I were the speaker I would announce prior to speaking my "rules" about cell phones.
If I were in the middle of a speach or lecture and I had several people rudely using their cells phones then I would pick up my phone and begin having a "pretend" conversation.

The other day I was talking to other Early Childhood providers about parents use of cell phones during picking up and dropping off their children. We should be demanding respect. Doctor offices have signs posted about the use of cell phones in their office; why can't we?

This topic is right up there with "gossip" for me. I would recommend that within centers, there is a policy FOR PARENTS and staff that cell phones are not to be used in the facility.
I think non-verbal language also applies here. When I am with someone and they take a call, I give them the "look!"
Am I being old....do we really need to be ruled by cell phones? What has happened to respect?

As a college faculty member, I can tell you that we are dealing with the same issue in the classroom. This is a generation of young people who truly feel "entitled". They believe it is their right to use their cell phones whenever they wish, their right to bring peanuts into the workplace to eat on their lunch, their right to wear provocative clothing in the workplace. They understand their "rights" but do not understand their responsibilities to others. I used to allow cell phones on vibrate for those with ill family members but this privilege is being abused. I am moving towards a total ban in the classroom. And I am building in a unit on our responsibility to others. I fear that Canada is losing Socialism.

In England on long-distance trains, there is always one carriage that is mobile-free! I love it. This means you can travel in peace, knowing you won't have to listen to other people's phone conversations.

I am all for this. I had to add a NO CELL PHONE allowed in building policy because people act as if this is totally exceptable to carry around one while working with kids and/or to text people in the bathroom. I would appreciate a more strict people at all day cares as a team, and BAND CELL PHONES on work premises at ANY JOB! This would help all job performances.