Parent Concerns Over Differences in Ability

06/03/2004

Parent Concerns Over Differences in Ability

"Is it necessary to dye a raven black?" - Proverb from India

Parent Concerns Over Differences in Ability

In their article "High-Maintenance Parent or Parent Partner: Working with a Parent's Concerns," in the July 2003 issue of Child Care Information Exchange, Janet Gonzalez-Mena and Anne Stonehouse discuss issues that may arise among parents when a center for the first time enrolls a child with disabilities. Discussing a hypothetical example of a center enrolling Drew, a child with Down Syndrome, they observe:

"Although we can encourage parents to think about other children and to broaden their horizons to take into consideration the whole group, it is unrealistic to expect them to be as concerned about everyone else as they are about their own child. In the case of the arrival of a child with differing abilities, the question of how that child's participation will affect other children brings lots of questions. Here are the issues on [parent] Candace's mind:

- What kind of extra care will Drew need? Will his care take away from the care of and attention to my child?

- What about the educational aspects of the program? If Drew can't keep up, will the program change so things are no longer as interesting or challenging for my child?

- Even if his condition isn't contagious, isn't he likely to have health problems that are?

- How about behavior? Children imitate each other's behavior. Won't my child learn things from Drew and start acting immature?

Barbara, the director "knows that Drew will benefit from being with his typically developing peers. She figures that eventually Candace and the other parents will come to see how everyone benefits, including the children as they learn acceptance and appreciation of differences. Drew will teach them all that plus they will learn from him how every single person, child, or adult has something to contribute.

"Barbara also knows that changes and new circumstances just have to be lived before people can truly accept them. In other words, explanations and information are not a substitute for first-hand experience. Barbara knows that no matter how well she handles the concerns, it will take time for the parents to feel comfortable.

"It is normal and natural for parents to feel uncertain in this situation. The fact that Candace talks about her discomfort doesn't make her a 'high maintenance' parent; in fact, just the opposite. It's the parents who have concerns but don't voice them that are likely to behave in ways that will eventually put them in the 'high maintenance' category. By opening up to Candace, listening to her worries, and including her as a parent partner, the director is likely to gain her support and help to bring the other parents on board."

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