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12/05/2022

Challenging Behavior? Or, Behaviors that Challenge Us?

Every day, in a hundred small ways, our children ask, ‘Do you hear me? Do you see me? Do I matter?’ Their behavior often reflects our response.
L.R. Knost, Children’s Rights Advocate

Introducing his podcast episode on "Compliance vs. Regulation," Greg Santucci writes:

Most of our systems that involve children are designed on the compliance model — that’s true in parenting and educating...And yet, neuroscience has now taught us that there’s a monumentally better way. Through research we know that our neurobiology is a driving force in behavior — particularly our autonomic nervous system and our brain. We know that there are sensitivities and differences in our neurodivergent kids’ neurobiology too, making it crucial that we adopt this brain-based lens when responding to and managing behavior.

Educator Mike Huber makes a similar point thinking about Charlie, a child who frequently yelled in his class:

Let me be clear, I do not think Charlie was challenging, but his yelling was challenging to both me and Charlie... For Charlie, whatever caused him to yell was challenging; the yelling itself was not. Telling Charlie to stop yelling might address what I found challenging, but not what he found challenging… I could have told him that he had to use "an inside voice." But my explanation would not be enough to make him stop yelling. I would have to include other incentives to stop yelling. I could threaten to put his name under the sad face on the behavior chart. I could make him move to a different area of the room. I could do any of these things but if I was honest, I would also have to realize that I was not teaching Charlie any new skills. I was trying to change his behavior through shame and/or fear.

Huber offers co-regulation as a more humane and effective practice, "What you will do is share space with them, care for them, and most importantly share your common humanity. This is teaching at its most pure."


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