Nature, Nurture and Narration

Responding to the quote we shared from Making Adjustments on October 31, Eve Sullivan of Cambridge, Massachusetts, writes, "This lovely essay confirms a view I have been mulling over recently. There are not just two influences on our upbringing, nature and nurture, but three: nature, nurture and narration. The stories our parents tell us about ourselves and the stories we tell ourselves throughout our lives have an enormous impact on all aspects of our experience. Self-care and decision-making, relationships with family, friends and co-workers, achievement in school and work, our choice of and involvement in leisure activities and our commitment (or lack of it) to service and spiritual life—all are influenced by those stories. The phrase a dear friend told me once comes to mind: 'good to notice'. In this case, it is good to notice what we say to children and what we say to ourselves!”

Sullivan made a connection to a recent New Yorker article, “Becoming You: Are you the same person you were when you were a child?” by Joshua Rothman. Rothman ponders his fragmented memories of his four-year-old self even as he revels in the rich relationship and experiences with his own four-year-old child. Rothman notes, "If we could see our childish selves more clearly, we might have a better sense of the course and the character of our lives. Are we the same people at four that we will be at twenty-four, forty-four, or seventy-four? Or will we change substantially through time? Is the fix already in, or will our stories have surprising twists and turns? ...What can we learn by asking if we’ve always been who we are?"

Share your thoughts, and we'll continue the conversation in a future ExchangeEveryDay.

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