Supporting Children Whose Behavior Challenges Us

"Too often, we as teachers focus on the behaviors that we find challenging rather than what is challenging the child. In other words, our main goal is to get the child to comply to our rules and expectations," writes Exchange Leader Mike Huber in a recent article on co-regulation. Shifting from a focus on children with challenging behavior to children whose behavior challenges us creates a simple but profound shift in thinking and responding.

In "An Administrator’s Strategy for Calming Disruptive Students So They Can Stay in Class," Matthew Bowerman shares his insights, "Once [students of all ages] become triggered, they move into an amygdala hijack—the brain perceives a threat, an emotional threat, and the person is unable to rationalize. They crash into freeze, flight, or fight, with unwavering conviction…They need space, they need to be heard, they deserve to be understood, and it’s up to administrators, teachers, and school staff to be present in those moments and to find authentic ways to reach them and validate their emotions."

Huber explains, "Helping calm a child is also called co-regulation. Co-regulation is sharing space with a child as they move from a dysregulated state to a regulated state. Regulation is having the right energy or arousal level for the situation… Focusing on co-regulation is helpful, because it models coping skills and builds trust between the child and adult.

"Using co-regulation does not mean that there are not behaviors that will challenge you as a teacher, but when we start using a lens of regulation, we start to understand the importance of self-awareness of our own emotions and stress level."

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