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08/22/2022

Text Your Friends. It Matters More Than You Think

I always felt awkward and shy and on the outside of the momentum of my friends' lives.
Steven Spielberg, Director, Producer, Screenwriter

According to a recent piece in the New York Times, “New research says most of us underestimate the power of the casual check-in.”

In 13 experiments by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh, involving nearly 6,000 participants reaching out with simple things like “a brief call, text or email, or a small gift, like cookies or a plant,…those who initiated contact significantly underestimated how much it would be appreciated. The more surprising check-ins (from those who hadn’t been in contact recently) tended to be especially powerful.”

In a separate University of Maryland study, Psychologist Marisa Franco noted that, “many people feel awkward about reaching out due to a phenomenon known as the ‘liking gap,’ or the tendency to underestimate how well-liked we really are. People may also hold themselves back because of a similar phenomenon known as the ‘beautiful mess effect,’ which suggests that when we are vulnerable with others, we worry we will be judged harshly.”

Dr. Franco concludes, “To be functioning at our best, we need to be in a connected state…Just like you need to eat, like you need to drink, you need to be connected to be functioning well.”

As Michael Koetje and Peter Blair conclude in the Exchange Essentials, “Building an Effective Team, “Human beings are meaning-making animals. We set out on a life journey that takes us on a search for meaning. We often find our most meaning in our relationships with other people.”


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