Supporting Behavior: Compliance or Co-regulation?

“Too often, we as teachers focus on the behaviors that we find challenging rather than what is challenging the child,” writes Mike Huber in one of the articles on behavior in May/June’s “Focus On” feature in Exchange magazine. Huber opens by describing regularly challenging moments with 4 year old Charlie. “In Charlie’s case, he was yelling because he wanted to be left alone, including not having others look at him. I could have told Charlie that he cannot make others stop looking at him. I could have told him that he had to use ‘an inside voice.’ But my explanation would not be enough to make him stop yelling. I would have to include other incentives to stop yelling. I could threaten to put his name under the sad face on the behavior chart. I could make him move to a different area of the room. I could do any of these things but if I was honest, I would also have to realize that I was not teaching Charlie any new skills. I was trying to change his behavior through shame and/or fear.”

Huber continues, “What can a teacher do if they are not monitoring and charting children’s behavior? Just let the children run wild? The simple answer is no. The choice is not between compliance and chaos, but rather I invite you to explore if you and the child are ‘on the same team.’”

With co-regulation as the aim and the lens, Huber gently outlines this more collaborative and compassionate approach, and concludes, “Like all teaching practices, co-regulation takes practice, and you will not do it correctly each time. You will not always know what set a child off. You will not always calm a child enough to problem solve with them. And that is all right. What you will do is share space with them, care for them, and most importantly share your common humanity. This is teaching at its most pure."

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