Reactions to Love

11/26/2003

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this." - Henry David Thoreau

REACTIONS TO LOVE

The November 17 edition of ExchangeEveryDay generated an unusually high level of response. Reactions to the quote from Anne Stonehouse about "love of children" as a factor in hiring teachers came in at about a 60:40 approve: disapprove ratio. We wanted to share one response in particular:"I love getting your messages, and I mean that, even though using the word 'love' might cast suspicion on me, according to the words you have just printed from Anne Stonehouse. Certainly, Stonehouse makes a valid point in challenging those who want to wield power over children or who are needy in their own way or who find children a source of entertainment. But, how can loving children ever be 'not appropriate?' The children of this world are screaming for love, for affection, for nurturing, for someone to take time with them. Simply put, 'appropriate' is not the word we need to talk about love.

"Let me say that I am more troubled, as a professional in child development, by the word, 'appropriate' than I am about the words, 'loving children.' I'm not sure how 'appropriate' ever received the status it is now accorded in our profession but I recoil each time I hear it. Through the proliferation of 'Developmentally Appropriate Practice,' we seem to have evolved into a profession that takes delight in deciding whether our colleagues are 'appropriate' or 'inappropriate,' 'DAP-py' or 'DIP-py!!'

"By way of confession, let me also say that I am quite sure I over-react to this word, 'appropriate.' But, it conjures up images for me of a tall, skinny teen all dressed up for the Prom, her hair tightly curled by a permanent solution left on too long, nervously tottering toward the door in heels that are pinching her feet—under the critical gaze of her mother. With some measuring device granted by the gods, the mother eyes the neckline of her daughter's dress and bellows, 'Look at that plunging neckline! That dress is not APPROPRIATE. You're not going out of the house looking like that!! Change it right now!!'

"How does one use the word, 'appropriate,' without communicating the prom mother's condescension and disgust? How do practitioners work with teachers of diverse backgrounds and varying philosophies without legislating their particular brand of morality? The architects of 'Developmentally Appropriate Practice' come from a particular culture with its own values, beliefs, and ways of doing things. Encountering colleagues with other values, beliefs, and ways of doing things is an occasion for humility and an invitation to listen and learn. My observation of professionals, well schooled in DAP, who find themselves in a supervisory position over practitioners from diverse cultural backgrounds has often been one of surprise as I witness the same 'smug amusement' and 'patronizing superior stance' that Stonehouse decries.

"I hope we'll be careful with 'love.' When Gloria Ladson-Billings spoke at the 'Let's Talk Race' Conference in Chapel Hill, North Carolina (2001 or 2002?), she said that she trusted African American teachers, as they enter mainstream professions in early childhood, to stay in touch with the love that they have for children. Love and the ability to understand, mother, and nurture children, Ladson-Billings asserted, have been, and continue to be, part of the unique and abiding gifts of Black women.

"Certainly, as professionals, a primary motivation should be to help children learn (and to learn from children!) Working with children is an opportunity to create a new social order, to leave the world a bit better than how we found it. Our partnership with children requires skills in communication, curriculum planning, guidance and discipline. All of those skills should be bathed in love.

"Love is a precious word and one that should not be sullied with attributes of power-seeking or narcissism or patronage. Those attributes should be named as what they are. Then, we are free, as professionals, to talk about love, to know its importance in our lives and in the lives of our children, and to recognize it in its many strange and wonderful forms."

-- Dr. Sheryl Scrimsher, Assistant Professor, Child Development Program, North Carolina A&T State University, Greensboro, North Carolina

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