Observing Child Relationships

"I’ve come to the powerful realization that if I believe children have the capacity and desire for deep connections then I support and coach them to live into their best selves. But transforming my view of children’s challenging behaviors as they struggle to connect is no easy task, especially with the realities of negotiating daily life with large groups of young children." These are the reflections of Deb Curtis in her article, "Seeing Children’s Eagerness for Relationships," which is included in the Exchange Essential: Observing Children - Part II. After describing her experiences in classrooms, she concludes:

"I continue the practice of always looking for children’s positive social behaviors to document and make visible to them and to me. I observe children working together throughout the room and document their activities through note taking and asking myself these questions:

• What specific things do children do and say that indicate they are connecting with each other and building relationships?

• How do they use objects or materials in their play to communicate their ideas?
• What challenges or conflicts occur?
• What do the children do and say to resolve their differences?

"....What I’ve come to understand is that the most important work I do to see a child in positive ways is within me. I must continually work to transform my own view of children’s behaviors, see their points of view, and strive to uncover how what I am seeing reveals the children’s deep desire, eagerness, and capacity for relationships. There is no more important or rewarding work than this."

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