How to Praise

"Kind words can be powerful motivators, but only if you praise the right things," reports psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson in Psychology Today (March 2013). "Praising someone's ability to work hard is more effective than gushing about how brilliant she is. Research shows that kids who are praised for their intelligence do not try as hard on future tasks. Praising smarts breeds the belief that things should come naturally — and if they don't, kids think they are no longer bright. Or they choose unchallenging paths so as not to be exposed as 'frauds'.

"Being praised for effort or other aspects of performance directly under your control leads to resilience, while being praised for being smart or some other innate abilities can lead to feelings of helplessness or self-doubt when a setback occurs. The ideal is to help someone think positively but realistically about achieving goals while praising their hard work. When praised for persistence, those who think the path ahead will be difficult invest more effort."

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