Misguided Kindness

"The more staff strive to protect you, the more they hurt you."

This was one of the paradoxes described in, "The Paradoxes of Leadership," in the Exchange Essential online article collection, "Leadership Challenges."

"Many of us seem to have this need to take care of everyone.  We want everyone to be happy, satisfied, productive, supported, connected.  It takes a lot of time and energy to Mother Hen the world, but we do it because we need to.

"So when the tables turn and staff want to take care of us, it can feel pretty good.  It's certainly great to know that others are noticing when we are overburdened, that they see the magnitude of our responsibilities, that they are sensitive to the fact that a piece of information or news might put us over the top.

"Though done with the best of intentions ... this protective behavior will ultimately prove harmful.  There will be information missing, holes in the big picture — and this will hinder the effectiveness of your decision-making.  If you don't know that two staff members are not getting along, that a parent is upset about a staff comment, that the key to the storage unit is missing, that you are running out of peanut butter, things will fall apart when these specifics would inform your decision making.

"Staff needs to understand that you, as director, need to know everything.  Their motivations for protection can be acknowledged and appreciated, while the act of protection can be firmly, continually rejected.  Perhaps staff can learn to deliver the bad news with a gentle touch or a chocolate chip cookie (or would we come to fear cookies?)."

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