Two-Armed Hugs

In their Exchange article, "Supportive Social Learning," which serves as the basis for the latest Exchange Out of the Box Training Kit, Ellen Hall and Jennifer Kofkin Rudkin talked about their belief in creating compassionate communities rather than compliant individuals as part of the practice of Supportive Social Learning (SSL). Here is an excerpt discussing one aspect of SSL:

"SSL requires empathy and perspective taking. Teachers ask themselves, 'How would I want to be treated if I were that person?' and consider the viewpoints of all the children.

"When one child acts out against another, it can be tempting to assign blame and interact with the children, not as unique individuals but in their roles as victims or perpetrators. This often entails a focus on the feelings of the victim. The feelings of the perpetrator may not be similarly honored. In SSL, teachers recognize that the child who acts out is hurting as well. The Boulder Journey School teachers talk of the 'two-armed hug', a hug that embraces victims and perpetrators alike.

"Too often, efforts to hold a misbehaving child accountable for his or her actions alienate that child from the social group. 'You go stand in the corner,' or 'You stay in the classroom during recess.' In more extreme cases, children may be suspended or even expelled. These practices may exacerbate problems. For example, conflicts often occur when a child attempts to enter a social group. If a teacher intervenes by removing either the child seeking to enter the group or a child who rejects these advances, this does not help and likely hinders the children's ability to negotiate such situations more effectively in the future."

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Kits are available in these curriculum areas:

• Positive Discipline
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• Infants and Toddlers
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