Independence or Interdependence

It’s Independence Day in the USA. So we thought this would be a good day to take a closer look at the concept of independence at the preschool level. Today we have posted on our web site (www.ChildCareExchange.com) a classic Exchange article by Janet Gonzalez-Mena, “Independence or Interdependence.” Here is its opening….

"When I was a new teacher faced with the job of educating parents, I had great enthusiasm for sharing all that I knew. My energy was boundless, matched only by my zeal. I will never forget trying to explain the concept of self-esteem to a newly arrived Mexican immigrant mother. She kept insisting that there was no such thing in Spanish. I didn't give up. I kept trying to explain it to her. She sat there the whole time with a blank look on her face. She wasn't getting it. Finally she said in complete bewilderment, 'You can't esteem yourself, you can only esteem others.'

"I've been thinking about that exchange for 25 years. She didn't get what I was saying, but I didn't get what she was saying either. Finally I'm starting to get it. Newborn babies are faced with the two major tasks of childhood:

• to become independent individuals; and
• to establish connections with others.

"The parents' job is to help their children with these tasks. Most parents focus more on one task than the other. Some even ignore the other task and leave its accomplishment to chance. The choice of focus is cultural, and the outcome is that the child comes to define 'self' as his culture defines the concept. Two such definitions are:

• The self is a separate, autonomous individual whose job it is to grow and develop into the best he or she can be in order to become part of a larger group.
• The self is inherently connected, not separate, and is defined in terms of relationships. Obligation to others is more important than personal fulfillment or achievement.

"The choice of which task to focus on and the definition of 'self' influence everything a parent does. For example, parents who place a larger value on independence than making connections are likely to encourage early self-help skills. They hand their babies the spoon when they first reach for it. They teach their babies to sleep alone in a crib. Self-reliance is the goal of parents who focus on independence. Self-assertion is another goal, self-expression, too. The end result of reaching all these goals set by independence-minded parents is self-esteem. These children fit right into the early childhood programs where the teacher has the same goals.

"Independence-focused parents may also teach skills that connect their children to others, but they usually put far less emphasis on them. Parents who are more concerned about their children's ability to create and maintain connections have a different view of practically everything. Sometimes they don't fit so well into our programs because of their heavy focus on interdependence or mutual dependence instead of independence."

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