09/06/2002
Another View on Parent Involvement
"We can't take any
credit for our talents. It's how we use them that counts." —Madeleine L'Engle
ANOTHER VIEW ON PARENT INVOLVEMENT
In the August 30 issue of ExchangeEveryDay, Therese Wiley presented
ideas on enhancing parent connections between parents and family child care providers.
Louise Stoney of Stoney Associates in New York offered this feedback....
"I'm pleased that you wrote about parental involvement in family child care
but disturbed by the following statement:
From a parents perspective, there appears to be a fine line between professional
practices to support each child's development and friendship. Parents seem to
mistake one for the other. Providers walk a tightrope trying to remain professional
and caring without crossing the line into becoming friends with the parents.
"It assumes that if parents and providers become friends that the parent
will automatically step over the line and ask favors. It implies that the only
way providers can avoid this is to remain somewhat distant and professional. And
it seems to suggest that family child care providers shouldn't be friends with
parents or visa versa. I disagree. Some of my child's providers have become good
friends to us over the years. I deeply value those friendships and I certainly
did not use the friendship as an excuse to ask for special favors. What those
friendships did was to deepen our partnership -- and I believe that good child
care is indeed a partnership, a form of shared parenting. I learned from the provider
and she learned from me. As we learned about each other--what to expect, what
not to expect--we slowly began to create, in an unspoken way, a sort of of "caregiving
synergy". As we became closer friends, the provider fell more in love with
my child and I cared more about her as a person and was LESS likely to take advantage
of her time.
"Here is the key issue,
I think: providers -- especially family child care providers -- need to be clear
about personal boundaries while still allowing themselve to get close to parents.
This is a life skills issue. Do we want our personal friends to take advantage
of us? Absolutely not. So we have to learn to tell them "no, I can't do
that but I still care about you" when they ask something that we feel is
unreasonable. It's very similar to being "firm but kind" with children.
Assertiveness delivered with love. But suggesting that family child care providers
can only do this by being "professional" is sad. True relationships
aren't professional; they are messy sometimes. I, for one, chose family child
care because I wanted to have a real, deep and lasting relationship with the
person who took care of my child. I found that, and it has enriched my life
-- and my daughter's life -- tremendously."
Now you can purchase individual back issues of Child Care Information Exchange
online. Go to the "Exchange Bookstore" at www.ChildCareExchange.com.
For more information about Exchange's magazine, books, and other products pertaining to ECE, go to www.ccie.com.
|
© 2005 Child Care Information Exchange - All Rights Reserved
| Contact Us
| Return to Site
